One more time…

Somtimes I feel like I don’t know what words to use to describe my opinions, or how to explain to people why I no longer want anything to do with them if they think it’s in any way good that Trump is now the most powerful man in the world, but the thing is, I don’t even know why I should have to explain it. Why do I have to describe the feelings I have about this? Why do I have to point out to you why we’re too different to be friends? But I guess I should. At least one more time.

So I know I’ve said this before, but I think I should say it once again.

I don’t want any Trump supporters in my life.

If you support him, I do no longer want to have anything to do with you. Right now, I don’t care how long we’ve been friends or if we happen to be related, I don’t want you in my life. It’s not about having different views, it’s not about the fact that we don’t think the same person should have won the election, but about you standing on someone’s side who is making the lives of some of my dearest friends so difficult.
 
I have American friends I see as just as important as my real life friends. Some of them are actually even more important than people I’ve known my whole life.
Why? Because they understand me. They respect me. They accept me for who I am.
 
Unlike many of you.
 
These are the people who don’t judge me for who I am. They are the first to ask what’s wrong when I’m having a bad day and the only ones to care about things most of you don’t give a damn about. You may be the ones I meet in real life, you may be related to me, by blood or marriage, it doesn’t matter, but they’re the ones who care.
 
They don’t laugh at me when I tell them about my love for a band who almost no one remembers anymore. They don’t tell me I’ll change my mind when I say I never want kids. They don’t ask if I’m serious when I tell them I’m aromantic. They didn’t question when I described the kind of relationship Juuli and I have.
 
And why not?
 
Because unlike most of you, they don’t judge. 

You wouldn’t believe what kind of amazing people I’ve met online. People who don’t just say they accept others for who they are, but who actually mean it. It’s such an easy thing to say, many of you do, but yet I hear you judge me every time I try to speak. Yet you question my life choices like they aren’t valid. Yet you refuse to accept me for who I am.

But they don’t. Because they’re my friends. Real friends.

 
These friends of mine are terrified. They don’t feel safe in the country they see as their home. They don’t dare to be themselves, because right now, it’s a danger to them. Trump is not only scaring the living hell out of them, but he’s killing the light in their eyes. He’s been president for a week and he’s already making their lives so difficult, and many of them try desperately to find ways to distract themselves, by reading, walking, running, music, video games, alcohol… all to just for a moment get away from the fear they’re now living in,
 
My friends are scared, and it’s breaking my heart to see them this way. I don’t know how many tears I’ve cried reading their words on twitter and facebook, realising that there’s nothing I can do, nothing they can do, to stop this.
 
And this is why I delete Trump’s supporters from my social media. This is why I no longer talk to people I’ve known since I was just a little kid, because people who stand by the side of someone who’s the reason behind their fear, are simply people I don’t want in my life anymore. 

I may be safe and sound in Sweden, but my heart is with the ones I love, and right now it’s crying for my American friends.

Review: 14

14
14 by Peter Clines

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Padlocked doors. Strange light fixtures. Mutant cockroaches.

There are some odd things about Nate’s new apartment.

Of course, he has other things on his mind. He hates his job. He has no money in the bank. No girlfriend. No plans for the future. So while his new home isn’t perfect, it’s livable. The rent is low, the property managers are friendly, and the odd little mysteries don’t nag at him too much.

At least, not until he meets Mandy, his neighbor across the hall, and notices something unusual about her apartment. And Xela’s apartment. And Tim’s. And Veek’s. Because every room in this old Los Angeles brownstone has a mystery or two. Mysteries that stretch back over a hundred years. Some of them are in plain sight. Some are behind locked doors. And all together these mysteries could mean the end of Nate and his friends.

Or the end of everything…


*Includes tons of spoilers*
Or at least quite a few 

Where to start… I guess I’ll just begin at, well, the beginning.

When I started listening to this book, it was hard to stop. Not only do I love the narrator, Ray Porter, but the story itself dragged me into it pretty quickly. It was interesting with the mystery and things you couldn’t explain and I really liked getting to know the different people who Nate met in the building.

For quite a while it had me hooked. All the new clues and mysterious moments with people not being who they said they were, the owners of the house being seemingly not even existing, no power lines but still electricity in the house and of course, the writing on the walls! I mean come on, how to make a book more interesting than adding hidden messages on the walls, and some of them in blood even? Yes, I like that stuff. It might be cliche as hell, but I love those kind of things. Truly do.

Then they found the mysterious control panel, and a switch made the house shake, and it all went downhill from there. A room sucking people into space? Flying dragon-whales-with-tentacles-who-can-speak-into-your-mind-things? What on earth? I don’t even know how to make a proper review out of this, because it was all just too much. Yes, I get it, it’s a sci-fi and things gotta be a bit crazy, but there’s a limit to everything, and in the end I was basically just sitting there waiting for the book to be done so I could get rid of it from my reading list. I’m stubborn, if I start a book, I finish it, but for the last three hours I just couldn’t wait for this one to be over.

Now to my actual three stars. Don’t think it’s because I in the end started liking it again. No, it’s for the characters. I liked that they seemed quite real to me. They had their problems, you didn’t know everything about them and some things weren’t told until sometime in the end of the story. I liked that. And I guess one of the stars is for the narrator and because even though the last two hours weren’t my cup of tea, the first 9 were quite good. I think around the first 6 or 7 were quite amazing even, so it didn’t completely waste my time.

Oh, and one last thing. If your way of killing off characters is to write “And then he died,” you really need to work on your making-people-feel-something-when-something-sad-happens skills. Because that was terrible.

Review: The Most Wonderful Tales of the Year: Holiday Memories Written and Performed by Our Favorite Narrators

The Most Wonderful Tales of the Year: Holiday Memories Written and Performed by Our Favorite Narrators
The Most Wonderful Tales of the Year: Holiday Memories Written and Performed by Our Favorite Narrators by Audible Narrators

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I absolutely adored this Christmas gift from Audible. I’ve only been a member for about seven months, so I didn’t know about the whole Christmas gift tradition and so far I haven’t heard many of the favourite narrators that were featured in this, but now I’m even more excited to listen to even more books, because all their voices were so pleasant and friendly to my ears.

What hit me when I listened to this was that yes, all these people who read the books I listen to are actual people. I’ve never thought about it before, but doing this is their job, and they do it wonderfully, and they are real people with their own stories to tell, which is what made me love it even more. They told about their own lives, their traditions, moments that had changed their lives… I loved it. It was really such a nice listen, and I’m now even more excited to explore more books, books I would maybe not be interested in normally, because I want to listen to all these voices again.

I don’t know, how or why, but this made me feel closer to them and I loved hearing their stories, it was so nice to get to know more about them.

Wonderful Christmas gift, I truly enjoyed it.

Rue

I don’t know how to explain this, but my heart hurts a bit in that way it does when you love someone more than words can explain every time Rue comes and curls up next to me.

When I got her, she was so scared. She’d been let down by everyone and didn’t trust humans at all. She never slept in the bed, never lied down on the couch if I was there, never wanted to be close. It took her three weeks to dare to eat when I was awake, four months to dare to lie by my feet in the bed (when she was sure I was asleep), five months to lie down on the corner of the couch when I was sitting there, and over a year to dare to ask for some attention, and she only did it ever so rarely.

When she learned to sleep next to me when I was awake it took her over two years to stop being scared and run away when I moved, and there are still times when I walk towards her that she thinks she’s done something wrong and runs away, but today I can move without her being afraid, I can gently pull the blanket she’s sleeping on without her thinking it means she’s gotta move, and she comes and curls up next to me when I sit with my computer.

At night, she comes and lies next to my head, purring loudly, and when I watch movies she comes to lie in my lap, begging for that attention other cats usually demand whenever they want it.

Just seeing her lie down and relax like this, knowing I won’t hurt her, makes my heart clench. I know this little girl has been through things that made her lose all trust in people, and it hurts to think that someone could have hurt or scared her so much that she once thought every movement I made meant she had to flee, but at least I know she’ll never have to be afraid again, because she’s going to stay with me until the day her little heart can no longer beat for her, and I will love her more than anyone else have ever done.

Unlike everyone else, I will never let her down. She’s mine, and I’m hers, forever ❤

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Review: The Girl on the Train

The Girl on the Train
The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

EVERY DAY THE SAME
Rachel takes the same commuter train every morning and night. Every day she rattles down the track, flashes past a stretch of cozy suburban homes, and stops at the signal that allows her to daily watch the same couple breakfasting on their deck. She’s even started to feel like she knows them. Jess and Jason, she calls them. Their life—as she sees it—is perfect. Not unlike the life she recently lost.

UNTIL TODAY
And then she sees something shocking. It’s only a minute until the train moves on, but it’s enough. Now everything’s changed. Unable to keep it to herself, Rachel goes to the police. But is she really as unreliable as they say? Soon she is deeply entangled not only in the investigation but in the lives of everyone involved. Has she done more harm than good?


I decided to read this one because I saw it mentioned quite a few times on my Twitter timeline, and everyone said how good it was and how everyone should read it. I got curious and needed a new book to listen to on audible, so why not go for the one everyone was recommending?

I have to say, I was really disappointed.

The characters were not even slightly interesting, you didn’t get the feeling of wanting to get to know them better and not even once was I interested or even surprised about the things we got to know about their past. This was probably what disappointed me the most. The characters were so predictable that no matter what we got to know about them, it didn’t surprise me, and not a single time I had that feeling of wanting to know what would happen next.

And the so called twist? When you were supposed to get the whole what the fuck feeling? Didn’t happen. The “twist” was also predictable, hell I guessed it way earlier than they even started hinting it, and when Rachel got her oh my god it was Megan revelation I just sat here like, “Gee, you think?”

I thought, it can’t be this easy? Can it? There must be more! There is no way people think this is amazing enough to spam my timeline with? Hell these people I see recommending it writes the most amazing stories, they can’t really mean that this is the book everyone should read? There must be more.

But no. There wasn’t. It really was that easy. And I was extremely disappointed.

Not sure what else to say, to be honest. I guess I can mention that the ones reading the version I listened to, Clare Corbett, India Fisher and Lousie Brealey, did it kind of badly. I don’t know who did who, but Rachel’s chapters were alright, I guess, even though I couldn’t at all feel the characters feelings or relate her to the voice. The one doing Megan sounded stressed, like she couldn’t wait to get done, but she still became my favourite because I felt like yes, this sounds like Megan. Then we have Anna… Anna’s parts were so horribly bad and boring, I can’t with words express how happy I am her chapters were always so short. I couldn’t stand listening to them.

To me this book was a waste of time. I give it two stars because it didn’t bore me so much I never finished it, but I would never recommend it to anyone. Don’t spend your money on this one, it won’t be worth it.

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My life – My choices.

This is normally not something I blog about, because let’s face it, no matter how many strong opinions I might have, I usually leave them to twitter and this blog has mainly been used for me to review books and movies and share songs that I like. Today, however, I have something I want to talk about, and this time – it’s serious.

I know that all of you only mean well when you tell me that one day I might change my mind about things, and trust me, I get it, you find it hard to believe that my view of life is so different from yours. That’s ok, I understand, but here’s the thing: This is my life. I live it the way I want to, and I don’t need you to tell me, over and over, that I will change my mind about things.

Pretty much every time family meets, someone’s gotta ask the question: Do you have a boyfriend yet?

No, I say. I still don’t, and no girlfriend either. I’m not interested in having one. I’m not interested in having a relationship. Let’s face it, the only person I could ever imagine living together with is Juuli, because just like me, she’s not interested in this whole thing with having a romantic relationship with candlelit dinners followed by sex and eventually having children. If we would ever actually get married, as we talk about at times, it would be on a friendship level. It would be to get everyone off our backs. It would be to live together with a best friend who doesn’t pressure you to ever have a big family with kids and grandchildren and all those things that neither of us want.

I’ve been saying this for years. I’m now 24 and I’m still not even a little bit interested in ever sharing bed with someone. I’m not interested in having someone to kiss goodbye before I go to work or fall asleep with in the evening. I’m not looking for that fairy tale ending everyone else seems to want. And kids? No. I never want any. I don’t like kids, not even a little bit, and you can tell me how many times you want to that it’ll be different when they’re my own, I still don’t want any.

Now to the part to why I write this: None of this is any of your business, and every time I tell you I don’t want any of this, you have no right to tell me that I will change my mind. That’s what everyone tells me every single time. “You will change your mind.” or “We’ll see in a couple of years.”

I’m not saying you’re wrong, you might very well be right. In a few years, I might change my mind, what do I know? But the point is, you have no right to keep telling me this. Right now, I don’t want any of this, and you have to respect this. You have no right to tell me this isn’t what I want, or will want in the future. You have no right to ever tell me this is something I’ve come up with now, that it’s a phase that will pass, because the only thing you do is making me feel like my choice of life, the way I want to live it, isn’t good enough. That it’s not valid. That I have to change my mind one day to live up to how you want me to be. To how I should be.

Stop telling people they will change their minds. Instead, accept that this is what they want of life, accept that this is who they are. Let them live it the way they want to, and when someone tells you they don’t want kids, or a partner, or anything at all that you find normal, let them know that it’s ok. It might not be how you would’ve lived your life, but it doesn’t make it wrong. It doesn’t make their choices any less valid.

Stop making others feel like they’re doing life wrong. People aren’t the same, no one will ever be exactly like you and we have to accept that everyone is different. Some wants to have five kids, a house and a life partner, some wants to live alone for their whole life, and that’s ok.

So the next time someone tells you they don’t want what you wanted when you were their age, don’t tell them it will change. Don’t tell them to wait a few years. Smile, be kind, be interested in their life choices, because just like you, they only want to live their life their way. Let them be happy.

And yes, maybe one day they will change their mind, but that’s nothing you can know anything about. Not now, not ever.