My life – My choices.

This is normally not something I blog about, because let’s face it, no matter how many strong opinions I might have, I usually leave them to twitter and this blog has mainly been used for me to review books and movies and share songs that I like. Today, however, I have something I want to talk about, and this time – it’s serious.

I know that all of you only mean well when you tell me that one day I might change my mind about things, and trust me, I get it, you find it hard to believe that my view of life is so different from yours. That’s ok, I understand, but here’s the thing: This is my life. I live it the way I want to, and I don’t need you to tell me, over and over, that I will change my mind about things.

Pretty much every time family meets, someone’s gotta ask the question: Do you have a boyfriend yet?

No, I say. I still don’t, and no girlfriend either. I’m not interested in having one. I’m not interested in having a relationship. Let’s face it, the only person I could ever imagine living together with is Juuli, because just like me, she’s not interested in this whole thing with having a romantic relationship with candlelit dinners followed by sex and eventually having children. If we would ever actually get married, as we talk about at times, it would be on a friendship level. It would be to get everyone off our backs. It would be to live together with a best friend who doesn’t pressure you to ever have a big family with kids and grandchildren and all those things that neither of us want.

I’ve been saying this for years. I’m now 24 and I’m still not even a little bit interested in ever sharing bed with someone. I’m not interested in having someone to kiss goodbye before I go to work or fall asleep with in the evening. I’m not looking for that fairy tale ending everyone else seems to want. And kids? No. I never want any. I don’t like kids, not even a little bit, and you can tell me how many times you want to that it’ll be different when they’re my own, I still don’t want any.

Now to the part to why I write this: None of this is any of your business, and every time I tell you I don’t want any of this, you have no right to tell me that I will change my mind. That’s what everyone tells me every single time. “You will change your mind.” or “We’ll see in a couple of years.”

I’m not saying you’re wrong, you might very well be right. In a few years, I might change my mind, what do I know? But the point is, you have no right to keep telling me this. Right now, I don’t want any of this, and you have to respect this. You have no right to tell me this isn’t what I want, or will want in the future. You have no right to ever tell me this is something I’ve come up with now, that it’s a phase that will pass, because the only thing you do is making me feel like my choice of life, the way I want to live it, isn’t good enough. That it’s not valid. That I have to change my mind one day to live up to how you want me to be. To how I should be.

Stop telling people they will change their minds. Instead, accept that this is what they want of life, accept that this is who they are. Let them live it the way they want to, and when someone tells you they don’t want kids, or a partner, or anything at all that you find normal, let them know that it’s ok. It might not be how you would’ve lived your life, but it doesn’t make it wrong. It doesn’t make their choices any less valid.

Stop making others feel like they’re doing life wrong. People aren’t the same, no one will ever be exactly like you and we have to accept that everyone is different. Some wants to have five kids, a house and a life partner, some wants to live alone for their whole life, and that’s ok.

So the next time someone tells you they don’t want what you wanted when you were their age, don’t tell them it will change. Don’t tell them to wait a few years. Smile, be kind, be interested in their life choices, because just like you, they only want to live their life their way. Let them be happy.

And yes, maybe one day they will change their mind, but that’s nothing you can know anything about. Not now, not ever.

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5 thoughts on “My life – My choices.

  1. cocooningaddict September 28, 2016 / 1:47 pm

    Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
    As a lesbian having heard “you will miss it (aka, dicks) one day” and “that’s not possible”, I actually feel bad sometimes about having a boyfriend now (even if he’s a cinnamon roll that I adore). Hearing those kind of things makes me feel angry now, because I don’t like how people are gonna see me now, saying they were right, and… Damn ! I was near not being with ANY men EVER, just because of their bullshit !

    So, I can relate. I don’t really know what to say more, I hate that people makes you feel this way. You’re an adorable cinnamon roll and you deserve to be happy, if you’re happy by yourself, than YOU GO GIRL. And fuck the entire world.

    • litenspindel September 28, 2016 / 2:02 pm

      Exactly. Now if I one day would change my mind, everyone would go all “told you so” and that might be the reason why many people wouldn’t dare to let themselves fall in love in the future, because they have to stick to the statement they once made or people will tell them they were right all along. Why can’t we just let people be and accept that we all change? When I was sixteen I wanted to have kids before the day I turned 25 because I wanted to be a young mum, now at 24 I don’t feel like I’ll ever want any, but it can still change, and that should be ok no matter what I said in the past. But with everything I’ve heard now, I might not ever want to admit myself wrong because I know I’ll never hear the end of it.

      Luckily I’m not that kind of person. If I ever do change my mind I’ll just tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone, but not everyone are like me, some people might find it really, really hard, and that’s not how it should be. Enjoying happiness should be easy, but for many people it’s not, and that’s really fucked up.

      • cocooningaddict September 28, 2016 / 2:10 pm

        Yepppp. I haven’t come out (or is it in, as I’ve already come out ? Duh) to the people that would say this kind of things, but I know for a fact that the day I’ll do it, it won’t be nicely, and that I’ll still maintain every single thing I’ve said before.
        I think if I hear as much as one “told you so”, I’ll break some jaws ♡

  2. Maris September 28, 2016 / 2:05 pm

    When people say things like that or ask about having a partner and/or children, I feel like they say that because “society expexts it” or you won’t have a fulfilled life without a partner and/or children. It’s ridiculous. Every individual needs to decide for themselves what makes them happy and what makes them feel fulfilled.
    Personally, I do have a partner, but I also have some friends who are single and don’t have children, and they are happy and fulfilled. This one man I know has a nice place to live, a job he likes, friends he hangs out with, travels a lot etc etc. It’s almost as if a person isn’t considered “normal” if they don’t tick a certain number of boxes, romantic relationships and children being 2 of them. I really don’t see the point of putting people in boxes, asking people such things or trying to push them into things that are none of their business. I don’t tick all the boxes a lot of people want me to tick either, a big one being my poor health. It’s important to know for yourself that you’re amazing the way you are. And that if everyone would tick all boxes, individuality is lost. How boring would that be?
    I’m rambling, I’m sorry, kind of lost my track of thought. But thank you for getting me thinking.

    Greetings from Germany.
    X

    • litenspindel September 28, 2016 / 2:13 pm

      I think this is so very important to remember. Society tells you to be one way, but being the opposite doesn’t make you any less important than those who follow all those stages of life that society tells us the right way to live. Have a partner and kids might be the right way of life for many people, but it doesn’t mean we all have to live like that, and we need to work harder to make more people understand this, because as it is right now people think something is wrong with them if they’re not “normal.” I remember the first time I figured I’m aromantic. Before I knew there was a word for it, I thought something must be wrong with me. Being 23 and still not be interested in having a relationship or want romance in my life must be wrong, but then someone told me about this thing called aromantics, and I started searching and I found out I’m not alone, that there’s not actually something wrong with me, that there are others out there, dealing with the same thing, and it was such a relief. We need to focus more on this, we need to speak louder, we need to make people understand that they’re perfectly fine like they are. We don’t have to be like society tells us, we don’t have to fit in to their definition of normal. We’re fine. We’re not alone.

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