One more time…

Somtimes I feel like I don’t know what words to use to describe my opinions, or how to explain to people why I no longer want anything to do with them if they think it’s in any way good that Trump is now the most powerful man in the world, but the thing is, I don’t even know why I should have to explain it. Why do I have to describe the feelings I have about this? Why do I have to point out to you why we’re too different to be friends? But I guess I should. At least one more time.

So I know I’ve said this before, but I think I should say it once again.

I don’t want any Trump supporters in my life.

If you support him, I do no longer want to have anything to do with you. Right now, I don’t care how long we’ve been friends or if we happen to be related, I don’t want you in my life. It’s not about having different views, it’s not about the fact that we don’t think the same person should have won the election, but about you standing on someone’s side who is making the lives of some of my dearest friends so difficult.
 
I have American friends I see as just as important as my real life friends. Some of them are actually even more important than people I’ve known my whole life.
Why? Because they understand me. They respect me. They accept me for who I am.
 
Unlike many of you.
 
These are the people who don’t judge me for who I am. They are the first to ask what’s wrong when I’m having a bad day and the only ones to care about things most of you don’t give a damn about. You may be the ones I meet in real life, you may be related to me, by blood or marriage, it doesn’t matter, but they’re the ones who care.
 
They don’t laugh at me when I tell them about my love for a band who almost no one remembers anymore. They don’t tell me I’ll change my mind when I say I never want kids. They don’t ask if I’m serious when I tell them I’m aromantic. They didn’t question when I described the kind of relationship Juuli and I have.
 
And why not?
 
Because unlike most of you, they don’t judge. 

You wouldn’t believe what kind of amazing people I’ve met online. People who don’t just say they accept others for who they are, but who actually mean it. It’s such an easy thing to say, many of you do, but yet I hear you judge me every time I try to speak. Yet you question my life choices like they aren’t valid. Yet you refuse to accept me for who I am.

But they don’t. Because they’re my friends. Real friends.

 
These friends of mine are terrified. They don’t feel safe in the country they see as their home. They don’t dare to be themselves, because right now, it’s a danger to them. Trump is not only scaring the living hell out of them, but he’s killing the light in their eyes. He’s been president for a week and he’s already making their lives so difficult, and many of them try desperately to find ways to distract themselves, by reading, walking, running, music, video games, alcohol… all to just for a moment get away from the fear they’re now living in,
 
My friends are scared, and it’s breaking my heart to see them this way. I don’t know how many tears I’ve cried reading their words on twitter and facebook, realising that there’s nothing I can do, nothing they can do, to stop this.
 
And this is why I delete Trump’s supporters from my social media. This is why I no longer talk to people I’ve known since I was just a little kid, because people who stand by the side of someone who’s the reason behind their fear, are simply people I don’t want in my life anymore. 

I may be safe and sound in Sweden, but my heart is with the ones I love, and right now it’s crying for my American friends.

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Rue

I don’t know how to explain this, but my heart hurts a bit in that way it does when you love someone more than words can explain every time Rue comes and curls up next to me.

When I got her, she was so scared. She’d been let down by everyone and didn’t trust humans at all. She never slept in the bed, never lied down on the couch if I was there, never wanted to be close. It took her three weeks to dare to eat when I was awake, four months to dare to lie by my feet in the bed (when she was sure I was asleep), five months to lie down on the corner of the couch when I was sitting there, and over a year to dare to ask for some attention, and she only did it ever so rarely.

When she learned to sleep next to me when I was awake it took her over two years to stop being scared and run away when I moved, and there are still times when I walk towards her that she thinks she’s done something wrong and runs away, but today I can move without her being afraid, I can gently pull the blanket she’s sleeping on without her thinking it means she’s gotta move, and she comes and curls up next to me when I sit with my computer.

At night, she comes and lies next to my head, purring loudly, and when I watch movies she comes to lie in my lap, begging for that attention other cats usually demand whenever they want it.

Just seeing her lie down and relax like this, knowing I won’t hurt her, makes my heart clench. I know this little girl has been through things that made her lose all trust in people, and it hurts to think that someone could have hurt or scared her so much that she once thought every movement I made meant she had to flee, but at least I know she’ll never have to be afraid again, because she’s going to stay with me until the day her little heart can no longer beat for her, and I will love her more than anyone else have ever done.

Unlike everyone else, I will never let her down. She’s mine, and I’m hers, forever ❤

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My life – My choices.

This is normally not something I blog about, because let’s face it, no matter how many strong opinions I might have, I usually leave them to twitter and this blog has mainly been used for me to review books and movies and share songs that I like. Today, however, I have something I want to talk about, and this time – it’s serious.

I know that all of you only mean well when you tell me that one day I might change my mind about things, and trust me, I get it, you find it hard to believe that my view of life is so different from yours. That’s ok, I understand, but here’s the thing: This is my life. I live it the way I want to, and I don’t need you to tell me, over and over, that I will change my mind about things.

Pretty much every time family meets, someone’s gotta ask the question: Do you have a boyfriend yet?

No, I say. I still don’t, and no girlfriend either. I’m not interested in having one. I’m not interested in having a relationship. Let’s face it, the only person I could ever imagine living together with is Juuli, because just like me, she’s not interested in this whole thing with having a romantic relationship with candlelit dinners followed by sex and eventually having children. If we would ever actually get married, as we talk about at times, it would be on a friendship level. It would be to get everyone off our backs. It would be to live together with a best friend who doesn’t pressure you to ever have a big family with kids and grandchildren and all those things that neither of us want.

I’ve been saying this for years. I’m now 24 and I’m still not even a little bit interested in ever sharing bed with someone. I’m not interested in having someone to kiss goodbye before I go to work or fall asleep with in the evening. I’m not looking for that fairy tale ending everyone else seems to want. And kids? No. I never want any. I don’t like kids, not even a little bit, and you can tell me how many times you want to that it’ll be different when they’re my own, I still don’t want any.

Now to the part to why I write this: None of this is any of your business, and every time I tell you I don’t want any of this, you have no right to tell me that I will change my mind. That’s what everyone tells me every single time. “You will change your mind.” or “We’ll see in a couple of years.”

I’m not saying you’re wrong, you might very well be right. In a few years, I might change my mind, what do I know? But the point is, you have no right to keep telling me this. Right now, I don’t want any of this, and you have to respect this. You have no right to tell me this isn’t what I want, or will want in the future. You have no right to ever tell me this is something I’ve come up with now, that it’s a phase that will pass, because the only thing you do is making me feel like my choice of life, the way I want to live it, isn’t good enough. That it’s not valid. That I have to change my mind one day to live up to how you want me to be. To how I should be.

Stop telling people they will change their minds. Instead, accept that this is what they want of life, accept that this is who they are. Let them live it the way they want to, and when someone tells you they don’t want kids, or a partner, or anything at all that you find normal, let them know that it’s ok. It might not be how you would’ve lived your life, but it doesn’t make it wrong. It doesn’t make their choices any less valid.

Stop making others feel like they’re doing life wrong. People aren’t the same, no one will ever be exactly like you and we have to accept that everyone is different. Some wants to have five kids, a house and a life partner, some wants to live alone for their whole life, and that’s ok.

So the next time someone tells you they don’t want what you wanted when you were their age, don’t tell them it will change. Don’t tell them to wait a few years. Smile, be kind, be interested in their life choices, because just like you, they only want to live their life their way. Let them be happy.

And yes, maybe one day they will change their mind, but that’s nothing you can know anything about. Not now, not ever.