This is normally not something I blog about, because let’s face it, no matter how many strong opinions I might have, I usually leave them to twitter and this blog has mainly been used for me to review books and movies and share songs that I like. Today, however, I have something I want to talk about, and this time – it’s serious.
I know that all of you only mean well when you tell me that one day I might change my mind about things, and trust me, I get it, you find it hard to believe that my view of life is so different from yours. That’s ok, I understand, but here’s the thing: This is my life. I live it the way I want to, and I don’t need you to tell me, over and over, that I will change my mind about things.
Pretty much every time family meets, someone’s gotta ask the question: Do you have a boyfriend yet?
No, I say. I still don’t, and no girlfriend either. I’m not interested in having one. I’m not interested in having a relationship. Let’s face it, the only person I could ever imagine living together with is Juuli, because just like me, she’s not interested in this whole thing with having a romantic relationship with candlelit dinners followed by sex and eventually having children. If we would ever actually get married, as we talk about at times, it would be on a friendship level. It would be to get everyone off our backs. It would be to live together with a best friend who doesn’t pressure you to ever have a big family with kids and grandchildren and all those things that neither of us want.
I’ve been saying this for years. I’m now 24 and I’m still not even a little bit interested in ever sharing bed with someone. I’m not interested in having someone to kiss goodbye before I go to work or fall asleep with in the evening. I’m not looking for that fairy tale ending everyone else seems to want. And kids? No. I never want any. I don’t like kids, not even a little bit, and you can tell me how many times you want to that it’ll be different when they’re my own, I still don’t want any.
Now to the part to why I write this: None of this is any of your business, and every time I tell you I don’t want any of this, you have no right to tell me that I will change my mind. That’s what everyone tells me every single time. “You will change your mind.” or “We’ll see in a couple of years.”
I’m not saying you’re wrong, you might very well be right. In a few years, I might change my mind, what do I know? But the point is, you have no right to keep telling me this. Right now, I don’t want any of this, and you have to respect this. You have no right to tell me this isn’t what I want, or will want in the future. You have no right to ever tell me this is something I’ve come up with now, that it’s a phase that will pass, because the only thing you do is making me feel like my choice of life, the way I want to live it, isn’t good enough. That it’s not valid. That I have to change my mind one day to live up to how you want me to be. To how I should be.
Stop telling people they will change their minds. Instead, accept that this is what they want of life, accept that this is who they are. Let them live it the way they want to, and when someone tells you they don’t want kids, or a partner, or anything at all that you find normal, let them know that it’s ok. It might not be how you would’ve lived your life, but it doesn’t make it wrong. It doesn’t make their choices any less valid.
Stop making others feel like they’re doing life wrong. People aren’t the same, no one will ever be exactly like you and we have to accept that everyone is different. Some wants to have five kids, a house and a life partner, some wants to live alone for their whole life, and that’s ok.
So the next time someone tells you they don’t want what you wanted when you were their age, don’t tell them it will change. Don’t tell them to wait a few years. Smile, be kind, be interested in their life choices, because just like you, they only want to live their life their way. Let them be happy.
And yes, maybe one day they will change their mind, but that’s nothing you can know anything about. Not now, not ever.